I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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