I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
