the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
