I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
