I think I won the penis lottery.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
