He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
