Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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