Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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