Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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