making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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