porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
