I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
