Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
