she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
