The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
