I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
