last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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