i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
