You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
