I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
