i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
