my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
