Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
