I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
