I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm too high and old for this...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
