I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is the high leading the old right now
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
