I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
