im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
