i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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