Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
