were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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