Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
