There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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