when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What a dumb baby whore.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
