would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
