Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
