Have you finally orgasmed yet?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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