trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
