you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
