Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
