somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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