Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
