I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
