batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
