Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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