omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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