Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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