Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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