Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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