what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
